Thinking Again about Unity and Equality

Billy Graham’s wife passed away on June 14th of this year, 2007. Billy is plodding along but with a limp—he is missing his complement.

I get a kick out of the reports of Billy’s response when asked, “How did you become the greatest evangelist in history?” The reports tell how Billy would look his eyes heavenward and say, "It was God who did this." How heavenly is that? I believe it. God did it. After all, God gave him Ruth Bell as his wife.

Ruth Bell Graham was the witty one of the two—the quick one too. On one occasion she was asked if she had ever contemplated divorce—divorce is the big cardinal sin in Christian circles! Ruth responded, “Divorce? No. But murder, often!” Billy will miss his witty and colorful complement. She kept his feet on the ground.

Being the prominent woman that Ruth Bell was, she was often approached from the feminist movement on her position regarding the equality of the sexes—the idea of 'sameness' was a big issue in the 70’s and remains so today. On one occasion, Ruth was quoted to have said: “When two are exactly alike, one is not needed!”

When it comes to marriage, the cry for ‘equality’ is a hollow voice. It claims to offer personal dignity but results in cold contractual independence. It may preserve equity but it won't cultivate intimacy.

The Bible says very little, if anything, about equality. It speaks of something more beautiful than equality. It speaks of unity. Equality seeks just due. Unity complements. When two differing roles join together to serve the other, there is unity.

That was Paul’s point in Ephesians 5:21-31. The union of the man and woman in marriage finds its design in the statement: “For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31).

I get a kick out of the modern Internet dating service that seeks to match couples on compatibility. I am not apposed to that. But Ruth Bell has a point too. Think about it.

Hi dear.
Hi dear.
What would you like for breakfast?
Eggs.
That’s exactly what I was thinking!
What would you like to do today?
Read.
Why, that’s exactly what I was thinking. Would you like to have some people over for dinner?
No, I don’t feel comfortable in the presence of others.
Neither do I. Let’s just be alone; always isolated and calcified in our sameness, forever and ever.
That sounds so wonderful to me dear!

I like Ruth’s response, “When two people are exactly alike, one of them is not needed!” Appreciating difference is a challenge. Seeing and assimilating difference is energetic growth. Compatibility is important. Difference is too. Learning to let difference press us out of our comfort zone may be uncomfortable but it makes for an exciting adventure.

Wisdom Workouts:

Given the design of complement in marriage, how would you answer the following questions: How do you know this person is the right one for you? Be careful! Are you looking at similarity? Or are you looking at complement?

• What do you find is the growing attraction in your intended mate? Again consider the idea of likeness and complement—there is a BIG difference.

• Do you ever have problems communicating as a couple? If you do, why do you think you do? If you don’t, perhaps you need to consider a different relationship. If you are not sparking in conflict, you are not helpful to each other. Remember, compatibility is something to grow into.

• In what ways do you complement each other? Are you thinking sameness?

• Big question: Can you love, learn and grow by the radical difference that your mate is from you? If you can’t, you should look to someone else. This relationship is not for you!