There is a way of life that promises satisfaction. It is the way of life expressed in the Bible proverb: “The generous man will be prosperous, and he who waters will himself be watered.”
There is a wealth of wisdom in that proverb. It tells of the individual who is given to meeting the needs of others. And as a result, the needs of the individual is met.
Don’t get the wrong picture. You may be tempted to say: Of course others will be inclined to you! If I throw a bag of twenty-dollar bills out of a window, certainly others will run to pick them up, and they will love me for throwing them out; as long as I have another bag! It is not that picture. It is about being genuinely, responsibly and principally given to the best interest of another.
You know what that looks like. Most everyone, at some time in their lives, had a teacher who was passionately committed to his or her best interest. Perhaps you felt a certain teacher’s tireless commitment and genuine confidence toward you. If you did, I would be willing to bet that somewhere in that relationship, you became unconditionally endeared to that teacher. What would you do for that teacher now? This is what I am talking about. But that may not be so easy to embrace.
It may be a hard piece of advice to take. If you are one who finds yourself lonely and void of friends, before you blame others and circumstances, you may want to look in the mirror. The problem may be closer than you think. I don’t mean that to be cruel but freeing. If the problem lies with you, you can do something about it. That's freedom. But if it belongs to your circumstances or other people, then you are a prisoner. You can’t change others. You can change yourself. That too is freedom.
One of the great ironies of the Christian message is that: it is in giving that we receive; it is in dying that we live. Isn't that so crazy to the world we live in? That principle, however, is attractive. The giver is a delight; the taker is work. You know how that goes. The one who is characteristically seeking to be a blessing, is a blessing. And the one who is always looking for a blessing, is a drain.
One of the most rewarding aspects of pastoral ministry is working with couples who are looking on to marriage. I truly enjoy that part of my ministry. Perhaps my reasons are not so altruistic. Marriage counseling often involves working with deep problems—unresolved conflict that has festered over time. These problems are difficult to reverse; not impossible but difficult. I like that part of my ministry too. But to work with couples who are eager to love and are uncomplicated by long-standing conflicts, that is pure joy for a teacher.
There are some questions I ask a couple to show what an attractive life feels like. I ask them to consider specific qualities they would desire in a friend or a mate. I usually hear such responses as: honesty, attentiveness, consistency, being non-judgmental, forgiving, loyal, and the like. I then ask the clinching question: “How many of these character qualities demand a giving person?” The test always delivers the desired answer—all of them. The conclusion naturally follows that attractiveness results from being a giver. So, what can you do to be attractive?
Set your affections toward living for the best interest of others. Certainly that doesn’t mean groveling to the whims and wishes of the world. It means being principally given to the real needs of others.
That way of life demands a lot of skill—it is a professional way of life. It demands the skillfulness of the athlete or the musician. That skill is an exciting pursuit once the way of life is set in motion. In that way of life, the need for growing skillfulness will challenge you every day. It is a way of life that opens doors of opportunity to the counselor, the teacher, the coach, the pastor, the husband, the wife, the father, the mother, and the like. There will be no lack for opportunity. Neither will there be the sense of loneliness or the lack of joy among people. This way of life will carry you effectually through all of life—in your marriage, your family life and in your occupation. And, you will be a very happy camper.
Wisdom Workouts:
There is a wealth of wisdom in that proverb. It tells of the individual who is given to meeting the needs of others. And as a result, the needs of the individual is met.
Don’t get the wrong picture. You may be tempted to say: Of course others will be inclined to you! If I throw a bag of twenty-dollar bills out of a window, certainly others will run to pick them up, and they will love me for throwing them out; as long as I have another bag! It is not that picture. It is about being genuinely, responsibly and principally given to the best interest of another.
You know what that looks like. Most everyone, at some time in their lives, had a teacher who was passionately committed to his or her best interest. Perhaps you felt a certain teacher’s tireless commitment and genuine confidence toward you. If you did, I would be willing to bet that somewhere in that relationship, you became unconditionally endeared to that teacher. What would you do for that teacher now? This is what I am talking about. But that may not be so easy to embrace.
It may be a hard piece of advice to take. If you are one who finds yourself lonely and void of friends, before you blame others and circumstances, you may want to look in the mirror. The problem may be closer than you think. I don’t mean that to be cruel but freeing. If the problem lies with you, you can do something about it. That's freedom. But if it belongs to your circumstances or other people, then you are a prisoner. You can’t change others. You can change yourself. That too is freedom.
One of the great ironies of the Christian message is that: it is in giving that we receive; it is in dying that we live. Isn't that so crazy to the world we live in? That principle, however, is attractive. The giver is a delight; the taker is work. You know how that goes. The one who is characteristically seeking to be a blessing, is a blessing. And the one who is always looking for a blessing, is a drain.
One of the most rewarding aspects of pastoral ministry is working with couples who are looking on to marriage. I truly enjoy that part of my ministry. Perhaps my reasons are not so altruistic. Marriage counseling often involves working with deep problems—unresolved conflict that has festered over time. These problems are difficult to reverse; not impossible but difficult. I like that part of my ministry too. But to work with couples who are eager to love and are uncomplicated by long-standing conflicts, that is pure joy for a teacher.
There are some questions I ask a couple to show what an attractive life feels like. I ask them to consider specific qualities they would desire in a friend or a mate. I usually hear such responses as: honesty, attentiveness, consistency, being non-judgmental, forgiving, loyal, and the like. I then ask the clinching question: “How many of these character qualities demand a giving person?” The test always delivers the desired answer—all of them. The conclusion naturally follows that attractiveness results from being a giver. So, what can you do to be attractive?
Set your affections toward living for the best interest of others. Certainly that doesn’t mean groveling to the whims and wishes of the world. It means being principally given to the real needs of others.
That way of life demands a lot of skill—it is a professional way of life. It demands the skillfulness of the athlete or the musician. That skill is an exciting pursuit once the way of life is set in motion. In that way of life, the need for growing skillfulness will challenge you every day. It is a way of life that opens doors of opportunity to the counselor, the teacher, the coach, the pastor, the husband, the wife, the father, the mother, and the like. There will be no lack for opportunity. Neither will there be the sense of loneliness or the lack of joy among people. This way of life will carry you effectually through all of life—in your marriage, your family life and in your occupation. And, you will be a very happy camper.
Wisdom Workouts:
- It has been said that, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” What makes for an attractive person that appeals to that eye?
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