Loyal commitment goes before intimacy. That is not a statement from yesterday’s values, but a principle of high regard for the honor and love of your spouse. Intimacy is the most valuable gift an individual has to offer. It is the gift of oneself. And like any gift of value, when it is received with casual indifference or demeaning disregard, the giver is wounded. You won't need to think long to find that true.
This post is an appeal for loyal commitment from a different angle. Rather than an appeal from traditional standards, it is an appeal from the worth of your spouse's love and the good pleasure of marriage. Standards are sweet to the embrace when they are shown to serve the interest of the recipient. My aim is not to burden you with guilt, but appeal to your senses for a marriage that satisfies your deepest longings.
How satisfying do you want your marriage to be? How hard are you willing to fight for that satisfaction? Loyal commitment is a worthy fight. The fabric of that fight is described in the next set of virtues on our list: Add… self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, principled living…” (2 Peter 1:6). These are the virtues for a victorious fight. You will need them.
As I flipped through my radio dial I caught the lyrics to a popular song from the late 1960s. The song went like this, “Wouldn’t be nice if we were older, then we wouldn’t have to wait so long … for we could be married!” I couldn’t help but ponder how the idea of waiting is such a yesterday notion. The Beach Boys were certainly no model of virtue, yet their lyrics did tell of the general mindset in a day gone by. The idea of marriage as the prior commitment to intimacy seems so old. Does it matter? It does. The teenage girl said to her mom, “Oh mom, times have changed.” Her mom replied, “Yes they have; but the consequences have not.”
Loyalty has consequences. So does disloyalty. That should not be a surprising idea, even in this day. I think adultery is still called “cheating” and not alternative moments of recreational choices. Try that one on your spouse! And by the way, what would ‘Hollywood’ do for violent plots if there were no such thing as “cheating” where loyalty is expected. No, the consequences have not changed. Broken families, broken lives, dashed dreams, painful divorce, bitter anger, and even violent crimes are all live and well on the stage of disloyalty.
What do we fight for? An attitude first. The Bible makes a claim to that attitude: “Marriage is to be held in honor among all.” That is found in the New Testament book of Hebrews, chapter thirteen and verse four. The word honor means “to value with a price.” No one will fight for what is not valued. If we lose the sense of the value of marriage, we will lose the fight for loyalty. The very wedding day is all about a declaration of lifelong loyalty. But again, I don’t want to make my appeal on the alter of institutional preservation, as noble as that appeal may be. I want to make my appeal on the premise of your satisfying joy and intimacy in marriage.
Contrary to the misunderstanding of many, the Bible boldly exalts the physical relationship of a man and a woman as something beautiful. The Bible is so passionate about that relationship that it strongly warns against predators who threaten the union of marriage, as the verse before us tells: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
When the author of the book of Hebrews wrote those words, he was defending marriage against a false asceticism which considered the marriage union as degrading and unclean. Writing in opposition to such a view, the author instructed that marriage is to be kept honorable and its honor is never to be defiled by outside sexual violation. Thus, the nature of the warning, 'fornicators' and 'adulterers' God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). This is a warning for the honor of marriage.
Take special note of those two words: “fornication” and “adultery.” What’s the difference? Fornication dishonors marriage in advance, and adultery dishonors marriage after it has been entered into. Fornication or adultery is the defilement of a relationship that belongs to someone else. It makes sense why marriage is to be held in honor among all. Such a community will help serve and preserve the marriage interest of a couple. What a comfortable place to be knowing that others are looking out for a your best interest.
From a personal perspective, throughout your life there will be many people you will come to respect and love as valued friends. There will be only one, however, who will pledge himself or herself to you as a lifelong companion—for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death you part. That one person you will share your life with—in times of plenty and times of want, in times of joy and times of sorrow. With that one person you will perhaps raise your children, build a home, see your grandchildren and grow old together in love. In biblical words, “You will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). What gift will you give your mate? May I suggest the greatest gift—the gift of you in faithful loyalty! For that one person, and that person alone, it is a gift that can be shared again and again until death do you part. So, the words are wise, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
Wisdom Workouts:
This post is an appeal for loyal commitment from a different angle. Rather than an appeal from traditional standards, it is an appeal from the worth of your spouse's love and the good pleasure of marriage. Standards are sweet to the embrace when they are shown to serve the interest of the recipient. My aim is not to burden you with guilt, but appeal to your senses for a marriage that satisfies your deepest longings.
How satisfying do you want your marriage to be? How hard are you willing to fight for that satisfaction? Loyal commitment is a worthy fight. The fabric of that fight is described in the next set of virtues on our list: Add… self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, principled living…” (2 Peter 1:6). These are the virtues for a victorious fight. You will need them.
As I flipped through my radio dial I caught the lyrics to a popular song from the late 1960s. The song went like this, “Wouldn’t be nice if we were older, then we wouldn’t have to wait so long … for we could be married!” I couldn’t help but ponder how the idea of waiting is such a yesterday notion. The Beach Boys were certainly no model of virtue, yet their lyrics did tell of the general mindset in a day gone by. The idea of marriage as the prior commitment to intimacy seems so old. Does it matter? It does. The teenage girl said to her mom, “Oh mom, times have changed.” Her mom replied, “Yes they have; but the consequences have not.”
Loyalty has consequences. So does disloyalty. That should not be a surprising idea, even in this day. I think adultery is still called “cheating” and not alternative moments of recreational choices. Try that one on your spouse! And by the way, what would ‘Hollywood’ do for violent plots if there were no such thing as “cheating” where loyalty is expected. No, the consequences have not changed. Broken families, broken lives, dashed dreams, painful divorce, bitter anger, and even violent crimes are all live and well on the stage of disloyalty.
What do we fight for? An attitude first. The Bible makes a claim to that attitude: “Marriage is to be held in honor among all.” That is found in the New Testament book of Hebrews, chapter thirteen and verse four. The word honor means “to value with a price.” No one will fight for what is not valued. If we lose the sense of the value of marriage, we will lose the fight for loyalty. The very wedding day is all about a declaration of lifelong loyalty. But again, I don’t want to make my appeal on the alter of institutional preservation, as noble as that appeal may be. I want to make my appeal on the premise of your satisfying joy and intimacy in marriage.
Contrary to the misunderstanding of many, the Bible boldly exalts the physical relationship of a man and a woman as something beautiful. The Bible is so passionate about that relationship that it strongly warns against predators who threaten the union of marriage, as the verse before us tells: “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
When the author of the book of Hebrews wrote those words, he was defending marriage against a false asceticism which considered the marriage union as degrading and unclean. Writing in opposition to such a view, the author instructed that marriage is to be kept honorable and its honor is never to be defiled by outside sexual violation. Thus, the nature of the warning, 'fornicators' and 'adulterers' God will judge” (Hebrews 13:4). This is a warning for the honor of marriage.
Take special note of those two words: “fornication” and “adultery.” What’s the difference? Fornication dishonors marriage in advance, and adultery dishonors marriage after it has been entered into. Fornication or adultery is the defilement of a relationship that belongs to someone else. It makes sense why marriage is to be held in honor among all. Such a community will help serve and preserve the marriage interest of a couple. What a comfortable place to be knowing that others are looking out for a your best interest.
From a personal perspective, throughout your life there will be many people you will come to respect and love as valued friends. There will be only one, however, who will pledge himself or herself to you as a lifelong companion—for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death you part. That one person you will share your life with—in times of plenty and times of want, in times of joy and times of sorrow. With that one person you will perhaps raise your children, build a home, see your grandchildren and grow old together in love. In biblical words, “You will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). What gift will you give your mate? May I suggest the greatest gift—the gift of you in faithful loyalty! For that one person, and that person alone, it is a gift that can be shared again and again until death do you part. So, the words are wise, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
Wisdom Workouts:
- Ask your mate: How important do you believe faithfulness is to our marriage?
- Tell your mate: How would I feel if unfaithfulness came into our marriage?
- Discuss with your mate: What can we do to preserve and protect our loyalty?
1 comment:
I've been enjoying your posts - but I think you probably meant in the middle of Aug 13 that "marriage is to be held in honor above all" rather than "in horror"! --Josie
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