I had a helpful conversation with a young woman who is looking forward to her wedding very soon. Our conversation centered on matters of personal security; that settled sense of well-being that frees one to love another. Some may not be able to fully relate to the matter of security unless they have known the pain of insecurity. Those who have, know how dark the world can be from being so introspective. It is a kind of self-preoccupation, not the kind that finds boastful pleasure in oneself, but rather the kind that feels the constant sense of inadequacy and unworthiness. It is self-preoccupation just the same. And that amounts to a very lonely world.
Security is important for without it a relationship will be painfully strained for both. Once an individual tastes the delight of being an outward giver, and determines to become one, he or she is immediately confronted by an enemy; that haunting sense selfishness that shackles a person in painful introspection. Oh to be dead to ourselves and alive to others—what freedom is that!
Selfish preoccupation is something endemic to humanity. We all have it—some more, and some less. Most find the condition to be debilitating to finding joy in others. It is not hard to understand why. Where someone is well balanced—not self-centered but self-respecting, not easily provoked but sensibly reflective, not overly introspective but overtly considerate—that person tends to be at peace with his or her world and happy in it. That is a secure person. And to the degree one has that sense of security, is to the degree that one will be empowered to joyfully engage in the lives of others. Likewise, where that sense of security is lacking, is to the degree that one will experience a diminished joy in others and withdrawal unto loneliness.
Security is a tricky thing. It can’t be had for the mere wanting. You can’t buy it at the mall or get it in a classroom. Security is a forged fabric of character. Some may have it because they have grown up under the wings of principled people and relational stability. Others may not have it because life has met them with unprincipled people and relational instability. Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that people are ‘victims’ of fateful circumstances beyond their control. Circumstances are powerful but they merely shape our propensity toward unhelpful ways of thinking and unhelpful ways of living. Those ways of thinking and ways of living are where the battle is won or lost.
The difference is important. We live in a “victim” oriented society. That is a fatalistic world with no way out. That’s because circumstances did it. That kind of thinking makes angry people. When one realizes that it is not ultimately the circumstances that is the problem, but the resultant thinking and living, that puts power back into the hands of the person to see his or her way clear to a new day. Let me digress for a moment on that matter of circumstances. I don’t want to be misunderstood and appear to be indifferent to the heavy things some people carry.
Circumstances are a powerful force, often even an irresistible force in the moment—like the impositions of an unprincipled adult upon a vulnerable child. We could all come up with a list of such imposing circumstances. Many of you carry your own list. But no matter how forceful those circumstances may have been, what happened next is what shaped your character for bad or for good. That happened in your thoughts and choices. To personally own those thoughts and choices is your freedom, no matter how powerfully imposing or horrifically unjust the circumstances surrounding those thoughts and choices may have been. But to give your thoughts and choices away to those circumstances will enslave you to a life of perpetual “recovery” with no recovery in sight. But if bad thoughts and bad choices resulted in unhealthy character, than good thoughts and good choices will result in a renewed and recovered character.
Ownership and responsibility is your first step toward freedom. A good counselor will help a person claim their rights over the thoughts and choices that led him or her down a destructive path; and then enable that person to think differently and live sensibly unto their true freedom.
Secure lives result from at least four patterns: thinking well, associating wisely, loving widely, and resisting willfully. Or, to say it personally, you will enjoy greater security when you order your world around: right thinking, principled friendships, deliberate love, and the courageous refusal to enslave yourself to any master that stands opposed to your moral virtue and ethical values. This leads me to the point of this post and the first part of Peter’s call that I introduced last Monday, and said we would highlight this Monday. That first part reads, “…in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge.” Peter is calling for that “right thinking” based upon right values; values that are here described by the terms: “moral excellence” and “knowledge.” Security begins here.
Of course, it would be impossible to develop all that “moral excellence” and “knowledge” would include. But that is not my intent here. My intent here is merely to say that if love for a lifetime is at all a possible, it is only possible in the presence of two secure individuals who are given to shared values; those values of “truth” that were spoken about in the July 29th post. I would like to leave you with a challenge to consider the four ways of a secure individual above, especially the matter of “moral excellence” and “knowledge.” Set personal goals to strengthen those ways unto a growing security of person.
Wisdom Workouts:
Here are five secure questions to grow by:
Security is important for without it a relationship will be painfully strained for both. Once an individual tastes the delight of being an outward giver, and determines to become one, he or she is immediately confronted by an enemy; that haunting sense selfishness that shackles a person in painful introspection. Oh to be dead to ourselves and alive to others—what freedom is that!
Selfish preoccupation is something endemic to humanity. We all have it—some more, and some less. Most find the condition to be debilitating to finding joy in others. It is not hard to understand why. Where someone is well balanced—not self-centered but self-respecting, not easily provoked but sensibly reflective, not overly introspective but overtly considerate—that person tends to be at peace with his or her world and happy in it. That is a secure person. And to the degree one has that sense of security, is to the degree that one will be empowered to joyfully engage in the lives of others. Likewise, where that sense of security is lacking, is to the degree that one will experience a diminished joy in others and withdrawal unto loneliness.
Security is a tricky thing. It can’t be had for the mere wanting. You can’t buy it at the mall or get it in a classroom. Security is a forged fabric of character. Some may have it because they have grown up under the wings of principled people and relational stability. Others may not have it because life has met them with unprincipled people and relational instability. Don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting that people are ‘victims’ of fateful circumstances beyond their control. Circumstances are powerful but they merely shape our propensity toward unhelpful ways of thinking and unhelpful ways of living. Those ways of thinking and ways of living are where the battle is won or lost.
The difference is important. We live in a “victim” oriented society. That is a fatalistic world with no way out. That’s because circumstances did it. That kind of thinking makes angry people. When one realizes that it is not ultimately the circumstances that is the problem, but the resultant thinking and living, that puts power back into the hands of the person to see his or her way clear to a new day. Let me digress for a moment on that matter of circumstances. I don’t want to be misunderstood and appear to be indifferent to the heavy things some people carry.
Circumstances are a powerful force, often even an irresistible force in the moment—like the impositions of an unprincipled adult upon a vulnerable child. We could all come up with a list of such imposing circumstances. Many of you carry your own list. But no matter how forceful those circumstances may have been, what happened next is what shaped your character for bad or for good. That happened in your thoughts and choices. To personally own those thoughts and choices is your freedom, no matter how powerfully imposing or horrifically unjust the circumstances surrounding those thoughts and choices may have been. But to give your thoughts and choices away to those circumstances will enslave you to a life of perpetual “recovery” with no recovery in sight. But if bad thoughts and bad choices resulted in unhealthy character, than good thoughts and good choices will result in a renewed and recovered character.
Ownership and responsibility is your first step toward freedom. A good counselor will help a person claim their rights over the thoughts and choices that led him or her down a destructive path; and then enable that person to think differently and live sensibly unto their true freedom.
Secure lives result from at least four patterns: thinking well, associating wisely, loving widely, and resisting willfully. Or, to say it personally, you will enjoy greater security when you order your world around: right thinking, principled friendships, deliberate love, and the courageous refusal to enslave yourself to any master that stands opposed to your moral virtue and ethical values. This leads me to the point of this post and the first part of Peter’s call that I introduced last Monday, and said we would highlight this Monday. That first part reads, “…in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge.” Peter is calling for that “right thinking” based upon right values; values that are here described by the terms: “moral excellence” and “knowledge.” Security begins here.
Of course, it would be impossible to develop all that “moral excellence” and “knowledge” would include. But that is not my intent here. My intent here is merely to say that if love for a lifetime is at all a possible, it is only possible in the presence of two secure individuals who are given to shared values; those values of “truth” that were spoken about in the July 29th post. I would like to leave you with a challenge to consider the four ways of a secure individual above, especially the matter of “moral excellence” and “knowledge.” Set personal goals to strengthen those ways unto a growing security of person.
Wisdom Workouts:
Here are five secure questions to grow by:
- What is the discipline of my worship?
What does the LORD require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God (Micah 6:8)?
- What is the discipline of my values?
"Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things," declares the LORD (Jeremiah 9:23-24).
- Where is the discipline of my mind?
Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things (Philippians 4:8)
- What is the discipline of my heart?
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others (Philippians 2:3-4).
- What is the discipline of my relationships?
A man of too many friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother (Proverbs 18:24).
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