My boys chide me for the movies I like. They like it when I boast in Rambo and glory in The Gladiator. But they cringe when I quote a line from The Dead Poets Society, or worse, when I choke-up while watching Somewhere in Time. Anne of Green Gables is my favorite—sorry boys! At the end of Anne’s journey into adulthood, she comes to an insight of huge significance. In romantic repose, Anne waxes eloquently telling her suitor Gilbert, “I went searching for my ideals outside of myself; what I learned was that it is not what life holds for you that matters, but what you bring to it.” That is a profound piece of wisdom.
Relational satisfaction, personal security and unfading attractiveness, ultimately proceed from the person you are, not from the possibilities that await you. Thus, good days and even long life has much to do with the person you are in the life that you live. "Who is the man who desires life and loves length of days that he may see good" asked the psalmist? "...Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it," wrote Peter finishing the quote. It is up to you. The freedom of joy is within your grasp.
If you are finding some spark of freedom in Anne’s insight, then you will be empowered by the challenge of this post. Here is that challenge: Set your affections on being the right person, not finding the right person.
The challenge calls you to change your mind about the way you pursue meaningful relationships. Rather than looking for greener pastures, hoping for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or living in quiet desperation for that one relationship that you think will make you happy, the challenge before you calls you to action; strive toward a more noble purpose. Strive to become an ever increasing person of influence, a picture of self-respect, a pattern of steadfast stability, and present to the world an attractive and unavoidable image of life That you do by being the right person.
I don’t believe I am telling you anything that you don't already know. You know the power in this pursuit. If I am wrong, you must tell me how. But consider this first... Consider your circle of acquaintances. Among them, who would you consider to be a genuine friend? What is it about that person that secures your satisfaction in their friendship? It would be helpful to crystallize your thoughts in at least three descriptive words. Now, consider the mate you would delight in spending the rest of your life with. Come-on, let that romantic side flow for a moment. In a similar kind of question, what qualities about that person would secure your love? Don’t be academic. And definitely don’t tell me what you think I want to hear.
What did you come up with? I have heard such words and phrases as: honesty, availability, trustworthiness, consistent, non-judgmental, and able to forgive. I have also heard words and phrases like: supportive, standing with me in my weaknesses and unfailing in loyalty, especially when I am unlovable. But consider your own list. How many of your words suppose, even demand, a principled person? That is, one strong in conviction, selflessly considerate, secure in character and socially attractive. I am going to put myself on the line and be willing to guess that the answer is, most, if not all. And if my suspicion is right, then your sense of attractiveness has more to do with who a person is, and not what has been fated to that person. Have you ever really been drawn to a person because of the privileged life they live? I could be wrong. You tell me.
The kind of attractiveness that is bound up in character is what has drawn many in admiration to historic characters of the Bible. It was this attractiveness that accompanied Ruth’s loyal commitment to her desolate mother-in-law, recounted in the first chapter of the book of Ruth. It was this attractiveness that magnified Joseph’s love toward his brothers, unabated by their ingratitude, told in the fiftieth chapter of the book of Genesis. And, it was this attractiveness that showed in the united hearts of Jonathan and David, described in the eighteenth chapter of the book of First Samuel. All these were attractive because of their character, not there possessions or position.
There is an interesting proverb in the Old Testament that reads, “He who loves integrity of heart and whose speech is gracious, the king is his friend” (Proverbs 22:11). This integrity is no external varnish, nor is it the aspiration of the dreamer; it is sincerity, humility, turning from wrong and the courageous pursuit of justice for all. This manner of life is of greater power and influence than all the clever methods of mankind. Integrity of heart sheds such dignity over the whole character, and pours such grace upon the lips that others are drawn in admiration. The influence of this integrity puts the lack of it to shame. And what awaits that person? A sought-after life from those who understand its wisdom! Thus, it will not be the fool who seeks out such a person, but the king as the proverb tells.
Our post this week is introductory. It is also meant to be persuasive. It is meant to introduce and persuade you to affections that relate to being the right person, not finding the right person—in essence, to become a treasure and abandon treasure hunting.
That specific manner of character, however, has not yet been presented. Only that character is the pursuit. That specific manner is next. I will set before you five essential character qualities. These I mentioned in my July 16th post. I will say them again. They are: principled integrity, self-respect, courageous endurance, outward generosity, and selective accountability. I will argue for them, one by one, in my ‘Monday’ posts through the month of August.
Wisdom Workouts:
Relational satisfaction, personal security and unfading attractiveness, ultimately proceed from the person you are, not from the possibilities that await you. Thus, good days and even long life has much to do with the person you are in the life that you live. "Who is the man who desires life and loves length of days that he may see good" asked the psalmist? "...Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Depart from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it," wrote Peter finishing the quote. It is up to you. The freedom of joy is within your grasp.
If you are finding some spark of freedom in Anne’s insight, then you will be empowered by the challenge of this post. Here is that challenge: Set your affections on being the right person, not finding the right person.
The challenge calls you to change your mind about the way you pursue meaningful relationships. Rather than looking for greener pastures, hoping for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow or living in quiet desperation for that one relationship that you think will make you happy, the challenge before you calls you to action; strive toward a more noble purpose. Strive to become an ever increasing person of influence, a picture of self-respect, a pattern of steadfast stability, and present to the world an attractive and unavoidable image of life That you do by being the right person.
I don’t believe I am telling you anything that you don't already know. You know the power in this pursuit. If I am wrong, you must tell me how. But consider this first... Consider your circle of acquaintances. Among them, who would you consider to be a genuine friend? What is it about that person that secures your satisfaction in their friendship? It would be helpful to crystallize your thoughts in at least three descriptive words. Now, consider the mate you would delight in spending the rest of your life with. Come-on, let that romantic side flow for a moment. In a similar kind of question, what qualities about that person would secure your love? Don’t be academic. And definitely don’t tell me what you think I want to hear.
What did you come up with? I have heard such words and phrases as: honesty, availability, trustworthiness, consistent, non-judgmental, and able to forgive. I have also heard words and phrases like: supportive, standing with me in my weaknesses and unfailing in loyalty, especially when I am unlovable. But consider your own list. How many of your words suppose, even demand, a principled person? That is, one strong in conviction, selflessly considerate, secure in character and socially attractive. I am going to put myself on the line and be willing to guess that the answer is, most, if not all. And if my suspicion is right, then your sense of attractiveness has more to do with who a person is, and not what has been fated to that person. Have you ever really been drawn to a person because of the privileged life they live? I could be wrong. You tell me.
The kind of attractiveness that is bound up in character is what has drawn many in admiration to historic characters of the Bible. It was this attractiveness that accompanied Ruth’s loyal commitment to her desolate mother-in-law, recounted in the first chapter of the book of Ruth. It was this attractiveness that magnified Joseph’s love toward his brothers, unabated by their ingratitude, told in the fiftieth chapter of the book of Genesis. And, it was this attractiveness that showed in the united hearts of Jonathan and David, described in the eighteenth chapter of the book of First Samuel. All these were attractive because of their character, not there possessions or position.
There is an interesting proverb in the Old Testament that reads, “He who loves integrity of heart and whose speech is gracious, the king is his friend” (Proverbs 22:11). This integrity is no external varnish, nor is it the aspiration of the dreamer; it is sincerity, humility, turning from wrong and the courageous pursuit of justice for all. This manner of life is of greater power and influence than all the clever methods of mankind. Integrity of heart sheds such dignity over the whole character, and pours such grace upon the lips that others are drawn in admiration. The influence of this integrity puts the lack of it to shame. And what awaits that person? A sought-after life from those who understand its wisdom! Thus, it will not be the fool who seeks out such a person, but the king as the proverb tells.
Our post this week is introductory. It is also meant to be persuasive. It is meant to introduce and persuade you to affections that relate to being the right person, not finding the right person—in essence, to become a treasure and abandon treasure hunting.
That specific manner of character, however, has not yet been presented. Only that character is the pursuit. That specific manner is next. I will set before you five essential character qualities. These I mentioned in my July 16th post. I will say them again. They are: principled integrity, self-respect, courageous endurance, outward generosity, and selective accountability. I will argue for them, one by one, in my ‘Monday’ posts through the month of August.
Wisdom Workouts:
- Consider the individuals you admire most—historical or personal—what is it about those people that have secured your admiration?
- Be a good sociologist. Reflect upon the people you would consider most fulfilled, stable, secure and attractive. How would you account for their disposition in this regard? Assuming that you may be intimately acquainted with one or two of these individuals, has suffering, loss, hardship, and even tragedy, affected their disposition? Or, has such circumstances, like a black velvet backdrop against the luster of a fine diamond, only brought out more of the beauty of the person?
1 comment:
Hooray for Anne with an e! :) I would argue that not only is this the way to prepare for marriage, but it is also the way to pursue happiness within marriage: to seek to be the wife (or husband) God calls us to be. Our natural tendency is to seek to receive from the other what we think will make us happy, but the more we focus on our wants and ¨needs¨, rather than on serving the other, the more dissatisfied and unhappy we are.
Thanks again for your insights, Pastor Tom!
Dionne
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